The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
