would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
