Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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