I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
