I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize