he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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