Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
