just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
