Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
