yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
