Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize