youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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