She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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