she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
