so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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