I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
