woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
