Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.