I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.