It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.