And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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