I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
