Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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