Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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