Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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