Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
