was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My feet surprised me
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
