So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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