I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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