Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize