I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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