Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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