OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
