Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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