Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
