Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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