erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
