I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize