she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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