I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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