This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
