Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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