I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
