If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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