Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
