The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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