U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
