i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face