you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.