i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
