lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
