My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
