it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
