I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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