your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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