I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
