umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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