You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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