Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
