Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
