So drunk its hurt
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
