I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
