Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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