I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
