I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
