I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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